500 funny simple jokesроботи

...у профілі - залучати аудиторію (легко, я навчу це робити) - відповідати клієнтам у direct (як спілкуватися з ними я також навчу) Досвід не потрібний, навчаю з нуля. Вимоги до працівника: - бути креативним та цілеспрямованим - знати основу інстаграм (як виставляти пости тощо) - Наявність смартфона або планшета Умови: - приділяти приблизно 4 години на день роботі - оплата щодня на картку - від 500 до 2000 грн на день. - вільний графік - без прив'язки до місця, працюєш де зручно

...The program should perform the following functions: 1. Transfer the photo to b / w mode 2. With b / w in a pixel of a certain size and quantity 3. 4-5 colors 4. Subtract how many pixels of a given color. For example - Black 700 pcs. White 500 pcs. etc. Other details by interested parties Доброго дня, потребую програму до генерування мозаїки з фото Програма має виконувати функції: 1. Переведення фото в ч/б режим 2. З ч/б в пікселі певного розміру та кількості 3. 4-5 кольорів 4. Вираховування скільки пікселів даного кольору.Наприклад - Чорний 700 шт. Білий 500 шт. ітд. Інші деталі зацікавленим особам

В наличии есть 20 сайтов, за регистрацию каждого плачу от 200 до 500 грн. За дополнительной информацией пишите в [Removed by Freelancer.com Admin for offsiting - please see Section 13 of our Terms and Conditions]

Потрібно знати інформацію про певне свято, урочистий день (список тем буде надаватись) і написати опис, цікаві факти, особливості святкування на 500-1000 символів українською мовою. Тем буде досить багато. Вимоги до текстів: - не менше 90%/90% унікальність за - не використовувати переклад цілих абзаців з російскої - відсутність помилок - тексти для людей

Необхідно продати 500 паперових книг українською мовою (збірка короткої прози) до 1 червня 2020-го року. Точки продажу не мають значення. Оплата - 20% від загальної кількості продажів.

Я хочу стати блогером Для цього потрібно мінімум 5000 підписників за 500 живих підписників Плачу 1$ Далі буде краще! Вам потрібно лише підписатись на мій інстаграм і запросити друзів artyom.nayko.13

Написання тематичних статей німецькою мовою для блогу обсягом 400-500 слів, розрахунок проводиться щотижня на карту Приватбанку за кожне замовлення.

Потрібно перекласти есе на тему 'Geoengineering is it good?' з української мови на англійську. Розмір 400-500 слів. Останній термін - середа (04.05)

i need to find wordpress plugin and make integration to my website with below detail. reservation system 1. hourly base reservation as we always work at night, today as ours is starting from 5pm until 4am next mo...client choose bank transfer opton, reservation request must be advanced for 3 days. if less than 3 days, it should show "can't process reservation with less than 3 days advanced request" and stop the payment process. 10. client doesn't choose sala number but only admin (backend) assign it 11. support spanish as main and English as option 11. pricing at least 2 different pricing option -simple 500 mxn per hour - for smal sala we assigned, first 2 hour 100 mxn per hour and per person, min 2 hour and 2 person after 2 hours, ...

I need a graphic designer who can assist with the following: - Inserting a provided Urdu translation (less than 500 words) into a form. The translation is provided, so the task mainly involves the accurate insertion of this text into the form. The work demands a sharp eye for detail, ensuring the text is properly formatted and aligned.

I'm in need of a dedicated virtual assistant who can help me with content creation for my WordPress blog. Key responsibilities would include writing appealing blog posts ranging between 500 to 1000 words. Key Requirements: * Excellent writing skills with the ability to engage audiences * Familiarity with WordPress and SEO best practices * Proactive, able to work independently and meet deadlines * Prior experience in blog post content creation is a plus * Firm grasp of the English language This role is not just about writing - it's about creating compelling content that resonates with our readers and adheres to our brand voice and style.

I'm looking for an experienced professional to manage and post products on approximately 500 Facebook Marketplace accounts. Your primary responsibility will be to post products. Key aspects include: - Demonstratable experience with Facebook Marketplace - Past work in similar roles will set you apart - Able to handle a large volume of accounts simultaneously - Experience posting a wide variety of products Please showcase your past work in your proposal. Only freelancers with proven experience will be considered. This is a hefty task and needs acute attention to detail and the ability to work in a high-pressure environment.

...recruitment strategy. - Create and distribute marketing materials, including digital flyers, email campaigns, and other promotional content. - Set up and manage a simple landing page with registration functionality. - Direct outreach to potential participants and manage registrations. - Provide weekly updates on recruitment progress. Skills Required: - Proven marketing experience, preferably in healthcare or social services. - Strong communication and organizational skills. - Ability to create basic marketing materials and manage online content. - Experience with direct outreach and engagement strategies. Compensation: - Flat fee of $500 for the project duration. - Performance-based bonus of 20% per registrant based on a $39 registration fee. Project Duration: - The tot...

As a business owner with a clear brand and content direction, I require an engaging Wordpress designer to utilize a business template for my website. I have a set budget of $500 for the complete project. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Expertise in Wordpress website design - Proficiency in using business website templates - Experience in embedding interactive multimedia elements - Portfolios displaying relevant experience and creativity Deliverables: - A fully-adaptive Wordpress website built using a business template - Implementation of interactive multimedia elements for a fun and engaging site - Logo and brand integration Kindly share examples of your previous work when bidding. Please note, the template should allow for a high degree of interactivity and audience engagemen...

I'm looking for an experienced QA Automation Engineer for solving some issues we have in a complex Jmeter script which we are using in our performance/load tests. This is a 1 week job at most and payment will be fixed at $500. Our JMeter script is not a simple one, so if you are not a real expert in JMeter please do not apply. You will fail to do the project. If you are an expert using JMeter for really complex projects, please apply by simply answering the below questions: 1- Tell us why you consider yourself a JMeter expert. 2- What were the most complex 2 projects that you did JMeter tests for and what made them complex. Please type "I can do it" at top of your reply so that I know you actually read the description.

I need a 5-page website for my tile company based in Texas. It should be simple and easy-to-use for potential customers. Key Requirements: - Home Page: A welcoming, visually appealing landing page that effectively showcases the business. I have created the welcome page content with A.I. so you would simply need to plug in that content. - Products Page: Not needed for now. - Services Page: This page should include detailed descriptions of the services we offer along with the respective pricing. - Contact Us Page: A standard contact page with a contact form, email address, phone number, and a location map. - Must be familiar with !! The site should be built using WordPress, allowing me to update content myself in the future. The design should be clean, professional, and aligned

I'm looking for a seasoned VPS server expert who can help in fixing an issue regarding firewall ports. After the VPS company automatically migrated the server, the websites on it stopped working. They have said, it might be due to a change in settings or policies, So it looks like a 15 min job to do. All our projects are in Laravel that are there on the server. So please do the relevant ...regarding firewall ports. After the VPS company automatically migrated the server, the websites on it stopped working. They have said, it might be due to a change in settings or policies, So it looks like a 15 min job to do. All our projects are in Laravel that are there on the server. So please do the relevant settings and make it work. This task needs to be done on any desk and budget for this i...

I'm in need of a skilled caricature artist to create 12 unique, funny, and exaggerated caricatures. These will be used across various digital platforms, so the final outcome needs to be in color. Key Project Requirements: - 12 Faces: You'll be turning 12 individuals into caricatures. Each one should be distinctly different yet maintain the theme of being funny and exaggerated. - Style and Theme: The caricatures should be in a funny and exaggerated style. This means you should have a keen eye for exaggeration and a great sense of humor to infuse into your work. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Caricature Artistry: You should have a solid portfolio of caricature work, ideally with experience in creating funny and exaggerated characters. - Digital Art: ...

Create a simple logo for me. I need the logo in the picture redesigned into a vector image with the same design as in the picture but with nice new clean lines.

I'm in need of a skilled programmer experienced in C++ languages. The primary aim is to effortlessly convert simple Python code into its C++ equivalent. Ensuring to maintain specific functionalities such as: - Data Visualization: This functionality must be retained during the conversion process. The C++ code must facilitate the graphical representation of data as efficiently as the initial Pine script. - Algorithmic Operations: The output C++ code should continue to perform certain algorithmic operations, similar to the Pine script. Ideal candidates should have previous experience in similar projects and a strong understanding of both Pine and C++. Excellence in this task may lead to potential future collaborations. This is a great opportunity for candidates looking to bu...

I need a unique and engaging book report written within a week. It should be between 500-1000 words and written in a creative/narrative style on the book "The ultimate Digital Marketing Playbook for Dominating your Local Area" by Krista Mashore Key Requirements: - Complete a book report within a week - Word count between 700-1000 - Writing style should be creative/narrative I'm looking for a writer who can deliver an exceptional and captivating book report that will hold the reader's interest. The book will be provided to the selected freelancer. Ideal Skills: - Proficiency in English - Experience in creative writing - Ability to meet tight deadlines - Understanding of narrative writing techniques Please provide samples of your previous work in your proposa...

I'm looking for an expert in 3D animation to create a large number of realistic pro wrestling moves. The project involves: - Creating 500 different wrestling moves: I'm looking for a vast array of moves, so we can make the gameplay as dynamic and engaging as possible. - Realistic Animation Style: The animations should be grounded in reality, mirroring real wrestling moves as closely as possible. - No Sound Effects: The animations will be used in a game and sound effects will be added separately, so you don't need to include them in your deliverables. The ideal candidate will have experience in 3D animation, particularly in character animation and realistic movement. Experience in game animation is a plus. Please provide any relevant portfolio or examples of...

I'm on the lookout for a professional well-versed in text data entry. The ideal candidate needs to: - Be proficient in entering text data accurately - Ensure data integrity and meet strict deadlines - Manage a sizable workload—around 100 to 500 pages Previous experience with large volume text data entry would be an asset. Efficiency and attention to detail are must-have skills for this job.

I'm on the lookout for a professional well-versed in text data entry. The ideal candidate needs to: - Be proficient in entering text data accurately - Ensure data integrity and meet strict deadlines - Manage a sizable workload—around 100 to 500 pages Previous experience with large volume text data entry would be an asset. Efficiency and attention to detail are must-have skills for this job.

I'm looking for a skilled marketing expert to increase the member count of an established Discord server. With more than 500 members, the server is to buy or sell your ingame items or accounts. Key Tasks: - Brining Organic members who will buy or sell accounts . - Engaging these targeted individuals with compelling and persuasive techniques. - Successfully growing the member count of the server. Ideal Candidate: - Previous experience with Discord and its functionalities. - Strong understanding of mobile gaming communities. - Proven record in successful marketing and member growth strategies. - Ability to effectively engage a targeted audience.

More details: What is the purpose of the illustration? Memories Book for a birthday What theme should the book cover illustration follow? Illustrations from (old) family photos or moments What specific moments or photos would you like to include in the illustration? Family vacations, Childhood memories, Funny traits

I need assistance with a small-scale copy and paste data entry task. The data is less than 1,000 rows and is in a spreadsheet format. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Proficiency in spreadsheet software such as Excel or Google Sheets - Attention to detail to ensure accurate data entry - Efficiency in copy and paste tasks to complete the job promptly This is Medium Task for 1 day Max and will be Fixed Price of 800RS. We have to Refer the Raw File and Practice test for the Students and will it in the correct format in the Practice Bulk upload

I'm immediately needing an Amazon S3 setup expert who can configure storage for a high volume of diverse files - images, videos and documents. Skills/Experience Required: - Proficiency in Amazon Web Services, particularly Amazon S3 - Capacity to handle and organize over 500 files - Knowledge of best practices for managing and accessing files - Fast, effective setup in anticipation of immediate usage Tasks to complete: - Configure Amazon S3 bucket - Establish straightforward system for adding files - Ensure rapid, reliable access to all stored files Please only bid if completed projects involving Amazon S3 are showcased in your portfolio.

I'm seeking a talented business development executive with a passion for the stock market industry. Your primary focus will be acquiring more than 500 demat leads and assisting with portfolio management. Key Responsibilities: - Acquire over 500 demat leads: You'll be responsible for sourcing leads for demat accounts and ensuring they meet our company's criteria. - Portfolio Management: Assisting in the management and organization of our clients' stock portfolios. - Market Research: Conducting in-depth research on market trends, competitors, and potential investment opportunities. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Proven experience in business development, preferably in the stock market industry. - Familiarity with the stock market, demat accounts, and port...

* WordPress WooCommerce migrate to SHOPIFY * Current site * PHASE 1 $500: SHOPIFY TEST SITE 1. Please purchase the template under my account. 2. Banking will been updated once completed 3. Every page you see on needs to be transferred to Shopify. Shop products and menu items are already there. SHOP page products wasn’t done correctly so need to redo. (Please note that there is a custom WooCommerce child product “Swarovski detail” pop up with ability for user to select a custom design on their main product which needs to be implemented). Go to > click on Swarovski and you’ll see what I’m talking about. There are accessories that are meant for each style. Please upload them accordingly

...web-application we're developing. The logo should be a simple one with a single color: rgb(40, 199, 111). We want an owl to be a main part of the logo. The concept that the logo should utilize includes: team collaboration, communication, wise approach. As a basis for the logo an owl-icon can be considered: So, it should be a simple logo, might be something like "owl reading messages"

Are you an active LinkedIn user with a keen eye for detail? Do you enjoy sharing your feedback? If so, we have an exciting opportunity for you! We're seeking for the best to test our free SaaS tool designed specifically for LinkedIn users. Your task? Simply use our tool for 30-60 minutes and provide us with your most insightful and deep feedback on various aspects including: - User experience - Key features - Onboarding process - Issues - Any other insights you believe are crucial - Suggestions for improvements But to participate, you need to: - Have a LinkedIn profile and use the platform regularly. - Be an everyday LinkedIn user to ensure unbiased feedback. How to Participate: - Access the tool and additional details via this link: - Spend 30-60 minutes exploring the tool a...

...to the fields locally to the buyer which needs to be emphasized as HVAC is in essential service product classification so the demand is high, and even higher, when locally shipped and fulfilled that as a authorized direct dealer of the brand can do this locally for much quicker local service than competitors having to ship and fulfill from whatever home state the company is in Budget: Less than $500 per month Skills and Experience: - Proven experience in managing successful Google Ads campaigns - Ability to optimize ad quality and performance - Expertise in targeting specific demographics to maximize results - Strong analytical skills to track and analyze campaign performance - Knowledge of budget management and optimization strategies -MAIN fixing present identified errors fr...

I am looking for a C programmer to develop a simple keylogger detector specifically for Windows and Linux operating systems. The primary use of this tool will be on my personal computer. Key Features and Tasks: - The detector should be capable of detecting and alerting keyloggers' presence on the computer. - The detector can have minimal ui. - the detector can only have manula scanning. Ideal Candidate: - Knowledgable in C programming with significant experience in system security programming. - Familiarity with keylogger behaviors and effective detection methods. - Prior experience in developing security software for Windows and Linux operating systems. The end goal of this project is to ensure my personal computer is fairly safe from keyloggers. Looking forward to worki...

...results. Timelines: • The project needs to be completed ASAP. Hence strong time management skills are essential. Please use AUTODESK FUSION 360 for modelling the design. Create 10 parts in which one of the parts should use CNC milling programming and assemble all the parts into one design by using Design for Manufacturing (DFM) or Design for Assembly (DFA). I need an abstract within 24 hours of 500 words in one page. If your expertise aligns with the project requirements, please submit your bid outlining similar projects you've completed and your availability....

I'm in need of an SEO-centric blog writer with a keen interest and understanding in technology. Your role will entail creating medium-length blog posts (500-1000 words). The exact writing style hasn't been specified, so an ability to adapt your style will be key in meeting my project's needs. Ideal skills and experience: - SEO writing experience, particularly for blog posts - Knowledge on various technology topics - Ability to write engaging and reader-friendly content - Flexibility in adapting to different writing styles.

In need of a talented translator to convert 500-1000 words of written English content into German. The perfect candidate has excellent reading comprehension in English, coupled with superb writing skills in German. Strong attention-to-detail and familiarity with cultural variations will be important in translating the subtle nuances of the text. Skills & Experience: * Native or near-native fluency in German * Proficient reading skills in English * Prior experience with translation * Eye for detail and context sensitivity * Quick turnaround time

As a agency, I'm in need of a professional with versatile skills in Facebook Ads and Website Development. To help my clients to reach new heights for their busines Facebook Ads: - Ad Campaign Setup: You'll launch a campaign that can convert visitors into customers. - Ad Targeting & Audience...Integration: Set up a smooth-running e-commerce platform on our website to facilitate transactions. - Content Management System : Create a CMS for easy publication and update of content. - Interactive Contact Form: Incorporate a contact form to facilitate communication. I am trying to build a team of professionals in their area of work to bring in the best results for agencies client and I will pay them 500$/client and would only want long term members. The pay can increase ba...

Input:- You will get an excel file as input. Step1- Sort the Excel file by site name and place data in sheet 1 Step2- Sort the Excel file by site address and place the data in sheet 2 Step3- Sort the Excel file by latlong and place the data in sheet 3. After Sorting and creating 3 different sheet, we need to apply the logic to find exact duplicate and high match. Example - means in sort by site name we will find exact duplicate and high match site(75%) match and print exact duplicate/ partial match. Then for exact duplicate and partially match we are going to compare all row and need to print what is matching like site city, site state, site country etc

I have a series of children's stories in English that I'd like to have translated into Spanish. Each story is between 500 and 1000 words. This translation is for the purpose of creating a bilingual children's book, so it's important that the translation maintains the original tone and context of the stories while being engaging and appropriate for young readers. Ideal skills include: - Proficiency in both English and Spanish - Prior experience in translating children's literature or educational materials - Understanding of the nuances of translating for a young audience

I'm looking for a creative and experienced screenwriter to help me with my draft a satirical TV show script. Key Requirements: - The script should focus on satirical comedy - The primary setting for the screenplay is modern day - The target audience for this ...target audience for this project is 30-40 young parents Ideal Skills and Experience: - Prior experience in writing satirical comedy is a plus - Experience in writing for TV, online or audio content - Ability to tailor comedy for a specific target audience - Understanding of modern day culture and trends - Excellent creative writing skills Your deliverable would be a well-crafted, engaging and funny script that resonates with the target audience. If you have a knack for satire and a passion for comedy, I'd lo...

...on creating high quality guest posts with a DA of 40+ or 51+. Note: Our maximum budget is for per guest post do-follow link is Rupees 500 to 700. You don't need to write content, we will provide fresh human written blogs for that. For starting we will buy 5 to 10 links. if everything will be good so we will go for more projects. Remember: Links should be live for long period at least 2 to 3 years, and should be dofollow link on given achor text. Kindly excuse those freelancer or companies whose bid is higher than our maximum budget (we will not accept there bids). Again: Our max budget for per link is 500 to 700 INR. If you provide guest posting links in 500 or below this budget so we will provide bulk work. If you meet these requirements, please reach out....

I'm looking for a marketing professional who can help me achieve several key objectives for my project, including increasing ...executing successful multi-goal marketing campaigns. - Expertise in targeting different age groups, specifically professionals aged 30-55 and retirees aged 55+. - Proficiency in utilizing various channels and techniques to achieve the desired marketing goals. - A creative and data-driven approach to ensure the best possible outcomes within a limited budget. The budget for this project is less than $500. Please provide a proposal outlining your strategy, approach, and expected outcomes within this budget. Multiple blog posts related to cleaning will be required, will need to have expert knowledge to work on website (Wix), and marketing, content creati...

I'm in need of a freelancer who can provide me with an accurate and simple industrial machine wiring diagram. It's crucial that you have an in-depth understanding of electrical circuits and wiring systems for industrial machines. Responsibilities: - Prepare a wiring diagram for a simple machine circuit. - Make sure the diagram is easy to understand without oversimplifying the essential elements. Required Skills and Experience: - A strong background in electrical engineering. - Extensive experience creating wiring diagrams, preferably for industrial machines. - Solid understanding of machine simplistic circuits. - Attention to detail, accuracy and consistency in diagram creation. - Excellent communication skills to clarify any ambiguous points.

I'm in dire need of a professional and experienced logo designer, specifically skilled in creating minimalist style designs. Your task will be to create a logo using a combination of purp...designer, specifically skilled in creating minimalist style designs. Your task will be to create a logo using a combination of purple and dark gray color. Having a good understanding of color pairing and past experience with modern, bold and unique design is crucial for this project. This needs to be completed ASAP, so proactive and efficient freelancers are highly preferred. Let's create something simple, yet powerful and engaging together. Create a logo for a pharmaceutical company named "BIOVERIC" it can have a full name "BIOVERIC Pharmaceuticals" Conceptual logo ...

I'm currently facing an issue with my WHMCS system. After recent suspension and reactivation, an Internal Server Error (HTTP 500 error) has started to appear consistently on the client area. I require an expert who can identify the cause of this issue and apply the necessary fix. Skills and Experience Needed: - Strong knowledge of WHMCS. - Proficient in debugging and error resolution. - Familiarity with WHMCS suspension and reactivation protocols. The ideal candidate would have resolved similar WHMCS issues in the past and should be able to articulate the cause and resolution of this specific problem.

I'm in need of a skilled web developer to create a comprehensive e-commerce website for my business. The site will be product-centric and will have a large inventory. Key Responsibilities: - i have my own theme but i used ...of a skilled web developer to create a comprehensive e-commerce website for my business. The site will be product-centric and will have a large inventory. Key Responsibilities: - i have my own theme but i used wordpress for my website its very slow and not mobile friendly - you have to move the website to other platform from wordpress and make it faster - you have to add products not more than 500 products - you must give best SEO for product search optimization - make it mobile friendly and easy for the users please make sure you have all the skills ...

I'm in need of a bilingual (Arabic and English) social media manager to take control of my beauty business's social media communications, based in Dubai or the UAE. - Payment: 1,500 AED per month (408 US dollars) - Incentives: 500 AED (136 US dollars) will be provided based on increased sales and performance - A dedicated mobile and phone line will be provided - No visa provided - Work from anywhere, but the candidate needs to live in UAE Key Responsibilities: - Manage messages and inquiries from customers. This includes answering questions about our beauty products and services. - Book appointments efficiently. Your promptness and professionalism in this aspect is crucial. Skills and Experience: - Fluent in both Arabic and English to ensure seamless communicati...

I'm seeking a professional to diligently run through LinkedIn, identifying and documenting HR higher-ups within Fortune 500 companies. Ideally, I'm interested in Director of HR or VP of People roles. Your main task will involve: 1. Identifying: I'm targeting senior-level personnel only. Expertise in navigating LinkedIn search and understanding corporate hierarchies will be a plus point. 2. Documenting: I'd like the findings to be presented in a tabular form within an Excel document. Critical data points to be captured include the Company Name, individual's LinkedIn Profile link, and their Role. Your background in HR and corporate structures would be critical in understanding the perfect fit for my requirements. Strong organizational skills, meticulous att...

Se necesita a alguien que conteste chats de gente preguntando el estado del producto, si está disponible, como se paga, resolver dudas y sobretodo hacer que el cliente compre como sea el producto. La persona indicada debe ser amable, atenta y con muchisima paciencia, siempre hablar bien a los clientes. La cantidad dee chats al dia varia entre 100 y 500, la plataforma es Wallapop una plataforma de ventas de productos de segunda mano en España. Se requiere q la persona tenga un perfil de vendedor, que su prioridad sea vender objetos tratando bien a los clientes, resolutiva y con proatividad de cara a la venta. Además tendrá otras tareas como comunicarse con la gente del almacen para coordinar la venta de productos, más detalles en reuniones poste...