Automated Response vBulletin Forum Bot/Script

I need a bot/script that will check a sub-forum every minute to see if a new thread has been posted. If a new thread has been posted the bot/script will log in to the account, post a random response from list of canned responses immediately. Would be great but not necessary; - Admin Panel: Add/delete/edit responses, edit user login information, view statistics, set vBulletin board The response will be random, no type of detection is required. I don't care how it runs, via desktop or web, it doesn't matter, but it ABSOLUTELY HAS TO BE QUICK.