Create a Scrum Report in Excel

I am a scrum master that requires a reporting dashboard displaying various KPIs and determinants of performance. After the completion of every sprint, I will copy and paste various data gathered throughout the sprint into excel. I expect that excel will process this data automatically and generate a report on a dashboard page. I should be able to print this out in an A4 sheet. KPIs include: 1. Epics in the sprint & number of tickets in those epics, per sprint and over time 2. Epics in the sprint vs. hours logged in those epics, per sprint and over time 3. Statuses of the tickets and their frequency, per sprint and over time 4. Tickets resolved vs. tickets unresolved, per sprint and over time 5. Category prevalence per sprint and over time 6. Remaining time estimate changes per sprint and over time 7. Remaining time at the start vs. remaining time at the end of the sprint, per sprint and over time. We should be able to use pivot tables so that we can compare the performance across various metrics, issues added to the sprint, issues removed from the sprint, and all the variables above. The report should have text fields for us to log particular events, or changes that could account for the performance of the sprint, and over time. We should have a section for each sprint to explain why certain tickets could not be completed. these tickets will be assigned categories that correspond to the metric in #5. I need someone who is exceptional with Excel and capable of brainstorming with me on how to improve this report, and other KPIs that I haven't considered above. I should be able to show performance per iteration (2 week sprints) and those iterations across time to measure workflow effectiveness. I need someone whose English is perfect, can understand what I am requesting and can deliver without complication. I'm on a tight time crunch so help is appreciated. Please do not bid more than 100 USD. Thank you for bidding!